Like my father

Those of you who know me well know that my father died almost two years ago. He had been declining for a long time, and yet somehow, despite the fact that everyone warned me, this took me by surprise. Watching my father die was the hardest thing I've ever done. I miss him so very much. I think of him every day. In my mind, I see him, sitting up at his breakfast bar. I hear his laugh. I see his smirk. I see him walking in from the garage. I watch him shuffling down the hall. I miss him more than I can express. I still cry at odd times, for virtually no reason, when small things remind me of him. My mom will attest to this. It's bizarre. It makes me cry that I won't see him again for many years. No daughter should lose their dad at 39 years of age. We still need them too much.

My father was an army man, with every image that conjures up in your brain. He loved our country and fought hard in the Vietnam war. That impacted his health for the rest of his life. In fact, he served in Vietnam twice, Germany twice, and Korea once. He spent A LOT of time away from our family, defending our freedoms that my children enjoy. He taught me to revere our flag, love our servicemen and appreciate the sacrifice of the American soldier. On my keychain, I carry a keychain medallion of his with the words "Fit to Fight, Second to None" that he received while in the Army. My dad was one tough army man, with a tender heart that I grew to appreciate the older I got. My father, the invincible. At least that's how I felt until he died. I didn't expect him to go down. How does a daughter prepare for that?

During this adoption process, I've wondered what my dad would think, what he would say to me. I've wondered if he'd be supportive, or think we were out of our minds. I've thought several times, I wish I could call him and talk to him, hear his laugh, listen to his council. But I can't. And so I imagine what he'd say to me.

Today, I was thinking about him and a song came on the radio. "If you're reading this", by Tim McGraw. It's a military song, and those always make me cry anyway. But this time, I listened closely when it got to the part:

"If you're reading this, half way around the world
I won't be around to see the birth of our little girl.
I hope she looks like you, I hope she fights like me,
And stands up for the innocent and the weak".

There it was. My answer. What would my dad expect from me? To fight like him. And to stand up for the innocent and the weak.

My friends, I'd like to introduce you to the innocent and the weak:

In fact, when it comes down to it, you really can't get much more innocent and weak. This is Seth a year after the other pictures were taken. Not nearly as flattering, huh? That's what another year in an institution will do to a child. In fact, it was this picture, and the change between the cute ones up above and this one, that compelled Jeremy to say "We need to go get him".

A child, abandoned by his mother, left in an orphanage, with cerebral palsy, with next to no chance of ever getting out. Children with special needs in his country are rarely adopted. Especially not if they have special needs and are over the age of 5. Next to none. Almost non existent.

I am certain my dad would want me to fight for him. When my dad taught me to love our country, our freedoms, our blessings, he was teaching me to fight for Seth. He was teaching me to stand up and have courage, to go get him when the time was right and he needed us most. He taught me the lessons, everything I needed to know, gave me all the strength I needed, to do what I'm doing today. He would be proud of me. Of that, I am certain.

And so, when it came to the part where Tim McGraw says:

"Just remember this, I'm in a better place,
Where soldiers live in peace, and angels sing "Amazing Grace"

I had to pull over to get myself back together. My dad, who served valiantly, and gave his health for his country, is now living in peace. He sacrificed for what I have, and who I am, so that one day, I would be brave enough to go save a little boy from a horrible injustice. A beautiful little boy, trapped in an orphanage, who desperately, desperately needs a family, the love, the freedom, the education and the medical care that this great country can offer him. Not because he's yet a citizen, but because his mother is.

And whether Seth ever walks on this earth, we know he will when his turn comes to return to his Heavenly Father. He will be resurrected with a perfect, healthy body and this trial he had will be but a blip in his life span. And he will be ours. For eternity. Because of His amazing grace.

This little boy, and the whole process of his adoption, the rights I have to do it, Seth's rights to claim them, are the very reason my dad fought. I fight like him. I defend the innocent and the weak. I am my fathers daughter.