Lessons learned in Hoodoo Canyon

This past weekend, I had the amazing opportunity to go on a ten mile hike with my 16 year old daughter. It was an overnighter, so 5 miles in on one day, and 5 miles back out on the other day. There were a total of ten adults and twenty four 15-16 year old girls. We had to carry full packs, meaning everything we needed for the trip, we carried on our backs. It was difficult terrain, full of rocks and crevices, hills and valleys, as we worked our way down into the canyon and then back up the next morning.

We'd hit a flat patch and our muscles would relax, and then we'd round the next bend and see another steep incline.

When the girls would get tired, we'd tell them that they are capable of so much more, that they could do hard things, and we'd get them moving forward again. But between you and me, it was tough!

I'm in fairly good shape, but I have to admit, it was more than I expected it to be. If Taylor hadn't been watching me, I might have been tempted to give up. Well, not really. Because giving up is not something that's in my character. I'm too stubborn for that. But having your teenage daughter right there with you does give you extra incentive to keep going. There were times that I did not want to go another step. Moments where my muscles screamed "Stop. This is too hard!". Today, I have the blisters and the sore muscles to prove just how hard it was. I loved spending time with Taylor. I loved watching her with her friends. It was something I will never forget. I really loved showing her that her 40 year old mother still has what it takes to do this. :) It was breath takingly beautiful- the streams, running over the rocks. The river, winding between the boulders. The tall trees, swaying in the breeze. Everything testifying that there is a God, and that He loves us so very much.

Being able to experience that with Taylor was something I'd never give up. Those were the blessings for enduring a really hard challenge, for doing something that pushed me, for not giving up on something that mattered.

On the hike, I thought a little about Phillip. I thought about him as I watched 24 girls make their way into and back out of the canyon. I wonder if he'll ever be able to do things like this. I wondered if the girls realized what a blessing their healthy bodies are.

I thought about the benefits of doing hard things. Hard things, like bringing another child into a family with six other children. Hard things, like sharing resources, time, house space, clothing, toys and food with one more child. Hard things, like meshing a child with cerebral palsy into our already chaotic, busy life. Hard things, like possibly giving up some of our plans for the future to accomodate the needs of this little boy. You know what though? Life is hard. It was never meant to be easy. If your life is easy, you aren't living your life to the fullest potential. You are missing out. Hard things help us grow. Our children do not expect life to be easy. They know better. Character development does not come easily. You want your children to really grow? Require them to do hard things. We want our children to know that we are capable of so much more. And when we hear ourselves say "Stop! This is too hard", we remind ourselves that we do hard things, and we move forward again.

Will this be easy? No. Did we ever expect it to be? No. If it were easy, it probably wouldn't appeal to me. There is no way this will be easy. We are well aware of that. In fact, we are pretty certain the first six months to a year will be dang hard. Does that mean we shouldn't do it? Should we refrain from doing hard things? I am always looking for things that stretch me, stretch our kids, cause us to lengthen our stride, develop our character. Those things don't happen easily. But the blessings.... ah, the sweet blessings.

Blessing that come from rescuing a child. Getting a little boy out of an orphanage. Taking his little hand in ours and watching him wave goodbye as we walk away forever. Putting him on a plane and giving him a home with a family who adores him beyond measure, six siblings, willing to love him and help him in any way possible. Allowing him access to things he'll never get in Eastern Europe- an education and advanced healthcare. Giving a child the chance to walk. Allowing our children an experience like this. Letting them watch a child who truly has nothing, blossom into all that he has the potential to be. The opportunity for them to learn more compassion, have more opportunities for service, to exercise less selfishness, to realize the abundance of all that they have. That is a sweet experience. Blessings beyond measure. An experience I would wish for anyone. That is life changing and character building... for Phillip... for our other six children. Blessings for enduring a really hard challenge, for doing something that pushes us, for not giving up on something that mattered. A child.

We are capable of so much more. We can do hard things.

Depraved Indifference

This is such an awesome and moving video, but hard to watch. Not because it's sad but because he is so spot on. So worth a few minutes of your time. There are many ways to help. Adoption isn't for everyone. Give money and time to help orphanages. Support someone who is adopting. Send supplies to orphanages. Pray for those who need families. Be willing to do whatever you are able. It is all so needed!

Finding Patience

Just in case any of you don't know me very well, waiting is not something I do well. I'm not a patient person. Not when it comes to sitting back and letting things happen. I like a plan. I am fairly certain of what I want, and I want it yesterday. Patience is a virtue. It's not one I possess. So the news that I may have to wait to go get a child who desperately needs me, who is waiting for me, is not news I want to hear. And try as I might to figure out what's going on, as hard as I try to anticipate how long this will take, I'm not able to find out anything. Completely out of my comfort zone. It makes me a little bit nauseous.

Today, I sent some paperwork off to his country, not sure if it will even matter when it gets there. There is a high likelihood I'll have to resend it anyway.... at $92 a mailing. It's hard to get excited as I mark things off of our to-do list when all we're really doing is hurrying up to wait. To wait for something we have no control of. Kind of takes the wind out of my sail. My hope is that the closure won't take long, that we'll be traveling before we know it, and that he will be well cared for and in good hands til we get there.

I've been reminded he knows no difference. He doesn't know what a family feels like. All he knows is the orphanage. He really has no concept of a mama and a papa. While it may be true to an extent, I don't completely believe it. I believe these children know exactly what they're missing. I believe they wake up every morning and wonder if this is the day their mama and papa are coming. It's at the core of their being.

Being a part of a family is one of our most fundamental needs. It's the way God designed the world. Part of His plan. He and 100,000 other children in his country don't have it. I read a blog today about adoptive parents who went to their daughters orphanage. The daughter didn't know it was her day yet. The orphanage workers brought the little girl in. At first, the girl was confused. Then, the caregivers whispered in her ear. She looked up at her new parents. She smiled, and then she ran to them and threw herself into their arms. Do you really think they aren't waiting for this day?

I've been warned that when we walk in, all the children will reach out to us and call us mama and papa. They will run to us and lift up their arms. They've all been waiting for their turn. Phillip has done this for six years. He has wondered where his mama and papa are, wondered why it wasn't his turn. This time, it's his turn. We are coming for him. We are his mama and papa. I know he's in Heavenly Father's care til we get there. And I know Heavenly Father loves him even more than we do. We trust His timing and we know it will all work out. We'll get there. We'll get him. Just not as quickly as I'd like to, because when a child is hurting and needs me, I'd like to have been there yesterday. It's not about faith. I have plenty of that. It's about patience, which I sorely lack.

Delays, obstacles and frustrations.

Yesterday we got some bad news. We will likely have to wait a bit longer to get Phillip. The SDA office in his country is closing to reorganize. The re-organizing could take up to three months. There's no way around it. This just stinks. It's frustrating. We've worked incredibly hard the past month and a half to get done what usually takes three to four months. We have felt impressed that Phillip needs us immediately. It's frustrating to be doing all we can and still run into delays, delays that will undoubtedly not be good for him. We have no reason to believe he is critical. We know he's likely been transferred and we know where he's likely at, although nothing can be confirmed. If we are right, his care is not as good as it's been, but it could be worse.... but it could also be better. He could be coming home.

The process of adoption is very hard. It's the decision to love a child you are not yet able to protect. We don't know what's going on in his orphanage. We don't know if he is being treated kindly. We don't know if he's being fed enough. We don't know if he's ever getting out of his play pen. We don't know if he's given toys to play with or if he's just staring at walls. We just don't know. But to keep myself sane, I have to assume the best.

Because I'm one to look for the bright side, and because there's nothing I can do about this anyway, here's what I've decided. While I can't know a timeline for sure, because we don't know how long their re-organizing will take, I know that we have probably five to six more weeks of work before we could submit our papers anyway. This work, really, isn't work at all. It's more waiting. Waiting for our homestudy report so we can send that into our government so we can wait on a fingerprint appt, so we can wait on our approval from immigration. That's the longest wait. While that's happening, we are also waiting on our passports. By the time all of this is together, we will probably be almost a month into the closure. From there, we will just have to see. There could be changes in our dossier requirements, which means Jeremy and I might have to re-do some paperwork, but that doesn't take long. Once they are open again, Jeremy and I will do our best to be one of the first in line. But it probably means traveling in Oct or Nov instead of September.

What do I intend to do with the extra time? Prepare. Now that I have an "opportunity" to slow down a bit, I can get ready. I have a bed to find for Hannah, so that I can move her bunk bed out of her room and into the boys room. I need to put together a photo book for our trip, to show to Phillip, the judge, the director of the orphanage and anyone else who wants to see, so that they will know that he is coming home to a whole lot of love and support. I need to get him some more clothes and look for sensory rich toys that would help him close the gap in his development once he's here. We need to learn a bit of his language so that we can communicate at least a little bit until he learns ours. And I need to take care of and have fun with my kids this summer. One of my girls, in particular, is really struggling. Not because of the adoption, but with the idea of me being gone for five weeks. I don't blame her. I'm having some problems with it too. I need to spend some time on that situation and prepare her. I need to get Adam potty trained. I need to paint the living room and our bedroom, because goodness knows I won't have time once I have three little boys at home. In short, I need to get my house in order. Which will make things that much smoother when this all comes together. Because it will come together. I know it will. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

We know Heavenly Father is aware of him and of us. We know He loves him even more than we do. We trust that he will be in Heavenly Fathers care until he can be in ours. We trust that the next few months will pass quickly and smoothly. We trust God to move mountains and perform miracles on behalf of one little boy. His son. Our son. Coming home soon.

Anxiety!!

I'm starting to get very anxious about the five weeks we'll be in country. Anxious in a good way, but also anxious in a not so good way. I don't know how I will handle being away from my other children that long. You can't go five weeks without seeing your kids and not miss important things- soccer games, first day of school, birthdays, open houses, holidays. Moments that will never be given back. I can't imagine what will be going through my little boys heads. Especially Adam. He misses me when he goes to the church nursery for two hours. What's five weeks going to seem like to him? Amanda will be a senior next year. How can I miss five weeks of her senior year?

I know Phillip needs us. And I know there's no other way to get him out of there. It's a short term, temporary sacrifice, for a very good cause- a child. In the grand scheme of things, five weeks is nothing. A little blip on a timeline. Just ask Phillip. He knows. He's spent over 300 weeks away from a family. I'm a whiner. He's way more courageous than I will ever be. To him, five weeks is a blink of an eye. Logically, I know that. But to my heart, five weeks feels like eternity. :-(

As moms, we become adept at what Jeremy likes to call "selective neglect". The art of sifting through the immediate and constant needs of various children and deciding what, or who, needs you first. Prioritizing who needs you the most. Jeremy and I know who needs us the most right now. Don't get me wrong. All children need their parents. Our children will certainly miss us. But they don't "need" us in the urgent, mind boggling way Phillip needs us right now. His is survival based. And so, we'll go.

I'm sure my children will be fine. They have each other. It's me I'm worried about. My heart already hurts. I already feel the "missing them" feeling.

New pics of Phillip!!

I received three new pictures of Phillip today. They were both reassuring and heartbreaking all at the same time. What we know for sure, based on these pics... he can most definitely stand... he has a lot of upper body strength... he has a beautiful smile... he is mostly happy... he is tiny, smaller than Noah... he is very resourceful about entertaining himself when he doesn't have much. We also suspect he spends A LOT of his time in a playpen (or climbing out, as the case may be), or in his stroller. He is likely not allowed to play on the floor. Children who can walk are, of course, allowed to play. Kids who aren't walking are condemned to playpens. I ask you, how is he supposed to strengthen his muscles and walk if never given the opportunity to do so? This little boy needs to play. He needs free access to toys, to other children his age, to a big house with lots of room to roam. We feel strongly that this little boy needs to come home quickly. :(

Please keep praying that things move quickly. At this stage, it's mostly out of our hands. We need our social worker (homestudy report), our government (passports and immigration approval) and the government where he lives (approval and travel date) to all act as quickly as possible in his behalf. Please, please keep him in your prayers.

The finish line is in sight! Can you believe it?

We're getting close!!

* We have two more things to notorize tomorrow and four more things to pick up next week (already signed and notorized). All of those will be sent out to be apostilled.

* Homestudy draft will be ready by mid week. I should be able to get that to our stateside helper and approved by the end of the week, then send that off to join up with the rest of our immigration paperwork. At which point, we will be issued a fingerprinting appt. Once that's in, approval will be given by our government to bring an orphan into our country.

* In the meantime, our passports will come in, which will allow us to complete the last seven forms in our dossier and have those notorized and apostilled.

* Once we get our immigration approval, that too needs to be apostilled,
and then WE CAN SEND IN THE DOSSIER!!!

* Once the dossier is in, we can expect to wait about 2 weeks for a travel date, which should be 2-3 out.

Total time expected? I'd love to be traveling in August. The sooner the better. And things may move quicker than we expect. We've certainly made it this far a lot quicker than we thought. That being said, we will probably be traveling in September. Keep in mind, this process normally takes 6-7 months. We went into it hoping we'd have him home by Christmas. With the help of an amazingly quick social worker and an awesome stateside helper, we should have our little guy home less than five months after we found him. That's a lot to be happy for!

Sobering Statistic

By the age of 5 years old, a child in Eastern Europe has only a 20% chance of being adopted. That means only 1 in 5 children will find a family. That's for a healthy child. The statistic for a child with special needs is much, much lower. If you think these kids have a future, a chance to make it out, you are likely wrong. They can't make it out without our help.

At the age of 16, they are turned out onto the streets. 60% of the girls turn to prostitution. 70% of the boys turn to crime. 10% commit suicide. They enter the streets unprepared, uneducated and homeless, no hope, no skills, frequently choosing to live in sewers because it's the only warm place they can find.

Phillip, you are a needle in a haystack, one orphan among 100,000. It's a miracle we found you. I can't explain it, other than that you are ours. We will change your life, but you will also change ours. Hang in there. We're on our way! We get closer every day.

Cause to celebrate

Today, I am preparing for Hannah's 11th birthday party. She actually turned 11 on May 24th but has waited til now to have her party because of scheduling conflicts. I appreciate her flexibility. Sometimes it's the only way we survive our craziness.

She's having six girls over. We're doing a crazy dinner and a night of celebrity stars, complete with a red carpet runway, costume changes, facial and manicures, and an after party. I love birthday parties. Especially as they get older. When they were little, it was so much work to keep them entertained and to keep our house intact. At 11, it's really not that hard, and Hannah's been helping a lot of the organizing, which has been fun. I'm sure her night will be a huge success!

But as I focus on her and her celebration, I can't help thinking of a little boy in Eastern Europe. Do you know that in orphanages, they don't acknowledge birthdays? He has never had anyone sing him happy birthday, eat a birthday cake with him or given him a birthday present. He probably doesn't even know what a birthday is.

Likewise, he's never celebrated Christmas. If St Nicholas has visited, it would be to give each child a small piece of candy. How different our lives are, half a world away! He will be home in a couple months. He'll be here in plenty of time to celebrate Christmas and all it's splendor, to play in the snow, look at Christmas lights, help us decorate the Christmas tree, make gingerbread houses and of course, partake in the annual Lunnen family Christmas sleepover.

He will be here well before his next birthday. We will sing to him, eat cake and ice cream with him, shower him with presents, celebrate the day that another beautiful little boy was born into this world. We will celebrate him. Because every child deserves to be celebrated. Every child is a blessing.

For tonight, we celebrate Hannah, our smart, funny, cute, precocious, spirited Hannah! :) Happy birthday, sweet girl! Our lives would be so different without you! We love you!!

Why?

This is actually stolen from someone elses blog, but I know it's true. I've read it before, and it's one of the things that help us decide to do what we're doing. In case you think we're crazy (maybe we kinda are!), read this:

"Why?

Let me tell you why . . .

Because there are 100,000 orphans in Eastern Europe

Only 20% of the children are orphans due to the death of a parent

Only 20% have a chance to be adopted after age 5

At Age 16, they "graduate" from the orphanage . . homeless & alone

27% will find jobs

10% will commit suicide before age 18

60% of the girls will be lured into prostitution

70% of the boys will become harden criminal

so I ask you . . . Why not?

EVERY child is WORTH helping, WORTH loving, & WORTH sacrifice"


Every child deserves a home and a family. We have so much. Why should we have so much, when so many have nothing at all?

Our week in review:

This has been, perhaps, the craziest week of our lives. My goals this week were to:

Get passport photos taken

Order passports

File our I600A (asks permission from the US government to bring an orphan into the country)

We did all that, but in addition, we:

Did our first homestudy appt, where all of our paperwork was already done, thanks to last weeks trip to Idaho Falls and twenty hours spent in a tiny computer room. :)

Filled out our Power of Attorneys for our facillitators in Eastern Europe

Got those notorized... twice

Picked up the kids medicals

Got their doctor to write a letter of medical expedition to file with his
I600A, asking them to please hurry

Ordered two copies of our marriage license from a very nice lady in Lawton Oklahoma

Ordered our police clearances

Talked Jeremy's doctor into notorizing his license and Jeremy's medical (something he really didn't want to do)

Had Jeremy get a letter of employment notorized... twice

Wasted an hour at Bank of America to learn that they won't notorize my mortgage statement

Wasted another hour on the phone with the County Assessor office to learn that they won't notorize our proof of home ownership

Cried...

Panicked...

Figured out another way to get the information

Called someone on the home mortgage statement

Found someone to do our proof of home ownership

Found someone to notorize both of them at completely inconvenient times

Talked to the world's most awesomest doctor at Shriners hospital

Talked to a lady about cultural connections in the community for children from EE

Found out that I can have someone from his birth country come with me to all his doc appts and assessments to act as a liason and interpreter, to act in his best interest, all for free!!

Discussed assessments with another awesome lady at the school district

And.... kept up with six other kids and a husband, made sure dinner got on the table each night and made sure everyone had clean clothes to wear throughout the week.

Friday, I took the day off and spent it with my neglected sons.

We grabbed happy meals and went to the park for two hours. We came home and Adam and I took naps, then we read books and played in the back yard. Jeremy and I went on a date- out to eat and to Barnes and Noble to pick up a book. Tonight, we will cuddle together and start reading five to eight hours of adoption training materials for our homestudy. Romantic, huh?

Still left... not a whole lot. And that's the good news. Bad news is this is the part that is largely out of our hands. We're waiting for other people to do their jobs and get us what we need. Our last home study appointment is this next week. We hope to get a report by the end of the week so we can send that last piece down with the rest of our I600A. They will send us a fingerprinting appointment. Once that's done, they will approve us, and that goes into our dossier. That process takes about a month. In the meantime, we will start notorizing in mass quantities, and wait for many more things to come in the mail. Once everything's collected, notorized and approved, we send everything to the state capital to be apostilled (the process of certifying and notorizing the notories on each document), then it's off to Eastern Europe. Travel date will come approximately five weeks after we send off the dossier. We are hoping to travel at the end of August or beginning of September! Much earlier than we expected. Pray it continues to go quickly and smoothly. Is all this insanity worth it? Yep. Every ounce of it. We can't wait to break our little man out!!

Words I can never say to his doctor:

I had a less than stellar appointment with the kids doctor today. The same one who said Phillip would likely never walk or talk, would never achieve any kind of independence and would live with us, like a child, for our entire life. To his credit, he's never seen Phillip. He hasn't heard all that we've heard. He was preparing us for the worst. Playing devils advocate. It really isn't very fair to ask his medical opinion, and yet I did. And for the record, I actually like the kids doctor. That's why we've gone to him. He's one of the best in town.

I was there again today to get the children's medicals signed for our homestudy, and to request a letter of medical expedition, asking our government to hurry and approve us bringing him into the country, because he needs medical care. I told him that we were wrong, that we had old information, that Phillip can pull himself up, stand on his toes and that he talks. He raised his eyebrows in surprise. He asked me if we get to the country and he's not as they "advertised", do we "have to take him". God bless doctors. I told him no, we wouldn't have to, but we would choose to. I know it's the doctor in him, the skeptic. He sees a lot. I know he doesn't get it. He doesn't know who Phillip is. But I do. This is what I wanted to say to him:

You see this little guy here? You better keep your eye on him. Watch him closely, because he is going to do amazing things. Even if he never walks. You know how I know that? Because he has done something you and I have never done. He has survived being abandoned by his mother and then left in an institution for six years. Not only is he still alive, but he still smiles.

Against the odds, and with very little therapy, he's learned to pull himself up, because no one else will do it for him. He stands on his toes-incredibly hard for a CP patient! And he's learned to talk even though no one listens. I don't know about you, but I've never faced a challenge like that. I've certainly never had to face it alone. And yet sometimes, I don't feel like smiling. What does that tell you about his spirit, his determination and what he can accomplish?

He is his Heavenly Fathers son. Don't ever underestimate him! He has limitless potential, a desire to fight and thrive, to make the most of his situation and a family willing to do what it takes to give him those opportunities. He will overcome! And when he does, he's going to walk right into your office and shake your hand.

Love, Phillip's Mother


Not that I know that Phillip will one day walk. Not that I, personally, even care. Even if he never walks, he is a thousand times better off than if he stays where he's at. In his country he faces a lifetime of institutionalization. Simply because he can't walk. They make wheelchairs for things like that, you know.

And yes, we are currently looking for a new doctor. A doctor who hasn't made up his mind. A doctor who will advocate and push for Phillip to achieve whatever his greatest potential might be. A doctor who understands the true measure of a man isn't in whether he can ever walk and be "normal", but in his ability to continually pick himself up and keep trying. Phillip has demonstrated that ability in ways you and I cannot even begin to comprehend.