The good, the bad and the downright ugly

Seth's been in school now for three and a half weeks.  For now, he's mainstreamed into a kindergarten class, without an IEP, but with a 504 (physical accommodations) and a full time aide.  The school is scrambling to get the data they need to get an IEP in place for him and we're all doing the best we can until then.  Each state is different in how they handle IEP's, and in particular, internationally adopted kids.  Our state seems to be one of the more conservative ones, and while we are all reasonably sure he will qualify for an IEP, our district is making sure laws are followed and that Seth's rights are protected.  Which is something I'll appreciate more after the IEP is in place.  For now, it's a little uncomfortable to watch. 

It's been a tough transition.  We are fairly certain he never had a book read to him til we showed up a year ago.  He had never held a crayon.  I'm not even sure he had regular access to toys.  So it is honestly a miracle that he is doing as well as he is.  I will promise you that you can love and protect an adopted child with the same fierceness that you can love and protect your biological children.  You can fight for them, scream for them, cry for them and defend them with the same zeal you can your biological children.  To me, there is no difference.  He is my child.  I am his advocate and mother.  I am honing my skills. 

In the past three and a half weeks, he's learned that school is safe and fun.  He's learned that we come back to get him.  He's learned that he gets a tasty snack each day and time on the playground.  He's learned the IA, the PT and OT are all nice people who are trying to help him.  He's learned that the school is full of people who genuinely care about him.  He's learned to be secure in another situation, even when his family is not there.  That's a big step outside his comfort zone and it takes a lot of trust on his part. 

Overall, Seth has made remarkable progress.  In a casual assessment today, I realized he's developed cognitively by two years in the past 11 months.  He's catching up, and he's catching up fast.  He's showing us that he's an eager learner and that he has a curious and inquisitive mind.   His speech is picking up a bit. He's making more and more approximations all the time, and most days, he speaks at least some, even if we can't always understand him.  Seth is in line to get all the support he needs to get an excellent education and we feel blessed with all the resources that are at our fingertips.  I feel blessed with a team of therapists, both in and out of school, who understand Seth, who call him out when necessary, and who are unwilling to easily let him off the hook. 

Seth is also making amazing progress physically.  He's started bearing more weight, standing with less support, using the counter tops for balance only.  He's side stepping now, and learning to get off the toilet and out of his chair at the table on his own.  He's learned to get himself into the tub and using his walker more and more. 

So what's the downright ugly?  The downright ugly was his starting point.  How ridiculously delayed he was when we brought him home, and how that didn't have to be the case.  The downright ugly is that this bright, happy, energetic, sweet little boy spent 6 years wasting away in a playpen when he could have been learning and growing.  The downright ugly is that there are so many kids just like him in Ukraine right now.  Just waiting for a family to open up a world for them and give them access to love, books, a home, therapy, education, and health care.  Kids just like Seth.  But still in a crib.  That's the downright ugly. 

How do you help?  Well, adoption, of course, if you can.  But if not, you can donate to a family in process of adopting. 

http://reecesrainbow.org/category/sponsorafamily/almostthere

Or you can contribute to Helping Hands USA and assist in the distribution of humanitarian aid to orphans, to make their life a little brighter and more bearable. 

http://givethemjoy.org/

Or you can vote for Francis on the Angel Tree.  A simple vote.  A simple click.  It helps him.  It could help him find his family.  So that he can have the same blessings and opportunities that Seth has.  Will you click?

http://reecesrainbow.org/my-own-little-starfish

 

However you choose to help, just do it.  Click.  Donate. Give. Advocate. Adopt. 

Meet another one of Seth's friends

Okay, to be perfectly honest, I did not think we'd reach this last goal.  When Helping Hands USA approached me, I was nervous.  We only just shipped out the wheelchairs and here I was, asking for help again.  And to make it more complicated, we only had four days to do it in.  I decided to hope for the best, and now, here we are, sitting at 100% once again.  Why?  Because I have pretty amazing friends who step up when they see a need.  I cannot thank you enough for loving these boys like I do.  The boxes of clothing have been shipped out and are on their way to Ukraine.  I'll post pictures as soon as they arrive.  We could not have done this without you.  Because of your help, these boys, who have so very little, now have fans, CD players, someone who comes to read to them twice a week, new wheelchairs and new clothing.  But more important than all of that, they know someone loves them.  A special thank you to Helping Hands USA for coordinating all these efforts to bring aid into their institution.  What a blessing it is to me to have found them! 

If you are on facebook and haven't already done so, please go to their page and "like" and share them.  They are doing tremendous good for orphans in Ukraine. 

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Helping-Hands-Usa/239641486137013

And now, I have another way for you to help the kids in this institution. See this little boy sitting next to Seth?  The little boy in the orange chair?

 

 

We have a chance to help him.  His name on Reeces Rainbow is "Francis".  Francis likely lived the first 6 years of his life at the baby house with Seth and Cohen (Josiah).  He was transferred at least a year before Seth was.  Francis is living at the institution where Seth was.  At the institution, they were in the same room and usually sat side by side.  Francis is a little boy who desperately needs a family.  He, like Seth, has cerebral palsy.  He gets food and he's clean, but he gets no mental stimulation, no therapy, no stretching, no schooling.  He sits in his orange chair day after day after day.  I can't imagine the despair and loneliness that must cause.  I can't imagine waking up every morning, knowing that all I'm going to do is sit in an orange chair until bedtime.  Francis is very sweet, but very delayed and very locked inside himself.  He has the most amazing blue eyes and of all the boys who worried me while I was there, he was the one who worried me the most.  Francis has significant needs.  And he needs a family to step forward to help him. 

We have a chance to help change Francis' life. Francis has been nominated to be on the Angel Tree this year.  The Angel Tree is a campaign that Reeces Rainbow does every Christmas season to raise awareness and funds for orphans.  Only 2 per category can be selected and it's done by votes.  If we can get Francis on the Angel Tree, he will have the opportunity to have a larger grant available to him, which will help us find his family. Voting is free and easy.  You can vote once a day through Thursday for Francis.  Can you help? 

Here is the link to Reeces Rainbow Angel Tree selection.  Scroll down to the boys, find Francis and click on the word "vote".  That's all.  That's how easy it is to help an orphan.  It doesn't get much easier.  Remember to come back and do it every day through Thursday.  Together, we can get Francis on the Angel Tree and help him find his family. 

http://reecesrainbow.org/my-own-little-starfish

One year ago today...

One year ago today, we met a little boy who shattered our hearts into a million little pieces. 

We had spent the day before traveling to Seth's region with a photo in hand.  We expected to find this:

 

And instead, found this:

 

 

 

 

A little boy very hurt and very traumatized by the effects of transfer.  He was shut down emotionally.  Quite frankly, we were very nervous.  I sent a message to a friend of mine, a person who had met him a little over a year previous to that, a lady who described him as sweet, gentle natured and engaging.  Her response to me: Get him out of there.

 

We did.  And now, a year after that first meeting, we have a

 

water loving...

 

 

swing riding...

 

 

toy playing....

 

 

school attending...

 

 

 

 

little boy who has learned how to live, to really really live.  This little boy who spent 6 years in a play pen and three months strapped into a non moving wheelchair, is now a walking, learning to talk, self feeding, fair attending, swimming learning, bike riding, sunshine loving, incredibly cherished child who has exceeded every hope and dream we held for him a year ago. 

 

If you want to be involved in a real life miracle, adopt a child from a mental institution in Ukraine.  Choose a child so hurt and so filled with despair that he has absolutley no other option but to shut off emotions and stop living. Give that child a family and then step back and watch a miracle happen.  This little boy blows our socks off.

 

Is he healed?  Is he over the trauma?  Well, no.  He's not.  It will take many years to fully heal Seth.  He's a sweet and gentle spirit, who deeply missed out on things that rightfully should have been his.  He felt that to his core.  Seth has abandonment issues that we deal with very gently.  Seth is learning to trust, and he does trust, but with one eye clearly watching the door, making sure we aren't leaving without him.  He knows what being an orphan feels like.  He knows he never wants to go there again.  He trusts as much as he possibly can, but he also desperately wants to keep what he has.  We are incredibly mindful of that, of the emotional scars and battles that he is waging every day.  Quite frankly, this is Seth' biggest battle.  His daily struggle to understand and believe that he is safe and ours forever.  He is nowhere near comprehending "forever".  Not because he doesn't understand the english word or can't understand the concept, but he has no past experience with it and no reason to trust it.  How long will it be before Seth really understands that he never has to worry about where his next bed will be, or who his next caregiver will be, or where his next meal is coming from?  We don't know.  The path to healing a child with trauma is long, difficult and heart breaking.  But it is completely and totally worth every painful, frustrating, completely maddening, rewarding, incredibly sweet, redeeming moment of it.

 

Any family who adopts comes away with things that will never ever leave their mind.  Memories of things they saw, kids they met, experiences they had that are forever etched in their brains.  For us, it is the few girls, and many boys and men we left behind at Seth's institution.  It was the daily visits we made to see Seth, where while we were wearing freshly laundered, clean clothing, he remained in the same urine soaked clothing he'd been in for the past five days.  It was watching boys string out baskets and baskets of clothing to dry, all along the fence line.  Badly worn clothing, mismatched, well past their prime.  It was the realization that not one of these boys owned a stitch of clothing to their names, that clothes were rotated and re worn among boys of similar size, frequently without the luxury of a washing in between.  It was understanding that orphans don't have jammies at night.  Jammies are extra clothes to be washed and hung out.  Jammies are a luxury they are not afforded.  Instead, clothing is layered to keep kids warm, and clothing is worn for so long between washings, and shared among so many, that what results are clothing in very poor repair and care.

 

Helping Hands USA is currently trying to ship out 17 boxes of clothing to the girls, boys and men in Magala.  Seventeen boxes.  Eight hundred pounds of brand new jeans, jackets, sweaters, skirts, dresses and warm shirts.  4-5 brand new clothing items per person for those who live behind the gates of Magala. 

 

 

(anyone know why this pic is so teeny tiny??)

 

 

 

 Clothing that will keep them warm this winter as temperatures drop well below freezing.  Keeping them warm, but most of all, reminding them that someone, somewhere is aware of them and cares for them.  Helping Hands USA bought the clothes.  They need our help to get them there.  I'm asking you once again to open your hearts to a group of children and men who really have very little, who have none of the things you and I take for granted.  If you are able to do so, please consider contributing to the chip-in to get those boxes to Ukraine.  We need to raise $650.  In four days.  Yes.  You read that right.  We have four days.  Can it be done?  I'm honestly not sure.  I hope so.  But to do it, we need your help.  I will be making a donation, because I know how great the need is.  I know how Seth was dressed.  I know how long he wore those clothes.  I know how badly they smelled.  We know how little this institution has, and we know how many they're trying to serve.  New clothing is a luxury they simply can't afford.  Please help Helping Hands USA give them the gift of quality new clothing.

 

You can help in three ways.  You can donate directly to their website at:

 

http://givethemjoy.org/

 

You can mail a donation to:

 

Helping Hands Usa

Nadia Postevka

3719 E. Beaumont ST.

Springfield, MO. 65809

 

Or you can use the chip-in on my blog that goes directly to Helping Hands USA.  All three ways is a tax deductible donation, with 100% of the funds going to those at Seth's institution.

 

Every donation helps.  Every dollar helps. 

 

 

We love these boys.  These boys changed us.  They changed and broke our hearts forever. Every one of them needs a family.  Needs love.  Needs an education.  Needs things to do so their minds stay active.  Needs equipment in workable condition.  Needs nutrious food.  Needs clean clothing to stay warm.  Needs.  Not wants.

 

They are the neediest group of boys I know.  How blessed I feel to have found Helping Hands USA, who gives love to these boys regularly.  Please help us help them.  Thank you.

 

I will end this with the words to one of my favorite hymns, A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief.  Remember when you have done it for one of the least of these, you have done it for Him.

A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief

A poor wayfaring Man of grief

Hath often crossed me on my way,

Who sued so humbly for relief

That I could never answer nay.

I had not power to ask his name,

Whereto he went, or whence he came;

Yet there was something in his eye

That won my love; I knew not why.

Once, when my scanty meal was spread,

He entered; not a word he spake,

Just perishing for want of bread.

I gave him all; he blessed it, brake,

And ate, but gave me part again.

Mine was an angel’s portion then,

For while I fed with eager haste,

The crust was manna to my taste.

Then in a moment to my view

The stranger started from disguise.

The tokens in His hands I knew;

The Savior stood before mine eyes.

He spake, and my poor name He named,

“Of Me thou hast not been ashamed.

These deeds shall thy memorial be;

Fear not, thou didst them unto Me.”