A mothers heart

Spent part of my day working on a photo book for Seth.  A photo book is a book of pics of our family, home, school, church, in our case Shriners Hospital, our dog, Seth's bedroom, his new siblings, his grandparents, the outside of our house, the outside of our home in winter when there's five feet of snow on the ground, my kids playing in five feet of snow.  Really, anything that would interest Seth and make him feel more comfortable with the journey we're expecting him to undertake.  We included pics from all the fun we've had this summer- trips to the beach, hikes, baseball games, water parks, Montana.  Also, pictures from last Easter, Halloween and Christmas.  We want him to know we're a fun family and that he can expect his next six years to be significantly more fun than his previous six.  The book is mostly for Seth, but will also be shown to the judge, the orphanage director, caregivers... really, anyone who wants to see it.  I also ordered a 5x7 and 8x10 picture of him to frame and hang on our wall, right alongside our other children. 

We continue to collect things we need for our trip.  We picked up a high powered antibiotic for Jeremy and me today.  Just in case.  And two money belts, a power converter and adapters.  Oh, and some Cars bubble bath.  Because how can you go to adopt a little six year old boy and not come equiped with bubble bath??  :)

So, last week I asked you to pray for the impossible.  I asked you to pray that our dossier would be submitted, and because we asked, against all odds, it happened.  Next step is a travel date.  Because I know that Heavenly Father knows what we need, I will leave that date open ended.  This is the hardest part of our journey for me.  I ask that you pray that His will be done.  He knows the conflicts we have coming up, and He knows which child/ children needs us most urgently at certain points. He knows, and so I put my faith in Him to choose the best timeline and the best travel date.  Please pray that whenever we travel, it will all work out. 

There's no way to be absent from your children for five weeks and not miss things.   It's the missing that is already making my heart ache.  When I think about it, I literally get nauseous to my stomach.  I'm already looking at the calender and thinking, "If I leave on this day, I should be back by this day, and so maybe I'll only miss..."  But I will miss.  And there's no way to make that up to the six I'm leaving behind.  It's their sacrifice.  Their sacrifice for a little boy who's never had a mom sit through a soccer game for him, or walk him to his first day of school.  Never had a mom who's shown up for his open house at school.  My kids understand that.  My kids are willing to take on that sacrifice, for him.  It's their mothers heart that's breaking.  Their mothers heart that is already anticipating "lonely".  Because truthfully, it's not the money that's the killer.  It's the time away from my children.  Pray that whatever the travel date, it will be okay with my heart, and that time will pass quickly, that as soon as possible, I will be flying home with America's newest citizen, and our newest little Lunnen. 

Oh, and in case you still want to but haven't, I believe you only have about another week to donate to our fund.  Please, please do not feel obligated, like you have to.  I can assure you, if you are praying for us, that is way more valuable to us.  But if you would like to help us bring Seth home, time is short.  Click on the button that says "Help bring Phillip home".  Confusing, I know.  Phillip's not his name.  To confuse you more, neither is Seth.  :)  At least not yet.  We can't disclose his real name, but that will become his middle name.  He'll be Seth ______ and will be able to choose which he wants to use.  But for now, you'd be helping to bring Phillip home.  And we so greatly appreciate it. 

What's harder than a dossier, you ask?

The paper chase in an adoption is long, worrisome and busy and will likely drive a person to tears.  Literally.  I cried several times, when something I assumed would be easy to get, like a copy of a doctors license or a letter from our mortgage company saying that we, indeed, did have a mortgage through them, was met with resistance.  I worried any time I couldn't instantly produce what his country wanted, that this would be the final straw and they'd just completely decline us for our ineptness, our inability to get the proper documentation that they required. 

Once we collected everything, we still waited.  For our homestudy approval, for our passports, for our fingerprinting appt, for our immigration approval, for our apostilles.  But each day brought some anticipation.  Something in the mail, a phone call, proof that we were moving one more step ahead. And alas, we were finally able to jump high enough to make it through the incredible hoops and were able to send off a completed dossier.  Then I learned what the REAL hard part is.  The waiting.  The doing nothing.  The standing still and hoping an email comes in soon.  That's where we are now. 

The dossier at least kept me busy.  I felt productive.  I felt like I was moving forward and getting something accomplished.  It's been just over a week since I sent off our dossier.  A week of doing virtually nothing for our adoption.  Anyone who knows me knows I don't do "nothing" well.   There is a very small incredibly minuscule, minute possibility that we could be submitted tomorrow.  Did I say small?  Because it is, indeed, small.  And it would take a major miracle of God.  It would mean major work having been done on the part of our facilitators, that they'd have some necessary paperwork back from the ministry, and have had the time to translate our entire dossier into the proper language... all in four days.  But God has shown His hand several times in the past few months, and we have faith that if it be His will, it will happen again.  If not, we will happily resolutely and without much patience, wait another week.  :)  Because patience is not my greatest virtue...

If one week doesn't sound like a very long time, consider how you'd feel if you were a six year old orphan who's never had a family and is just  few weeks shy of finally getting one.  One week to him is seven nights without a momma and daddy to kiss him and tuck him into bed.  Seven more nights without bedtime prayers, without giggles with his brothers, tickles from his sisters, and the freedom to explore life outside of an orphanage, outside of a play pen.  Seven days... 168 hours.  It may not seem like a long time to you, but to an orphan, it is.  Pray that God moves another mountain in his behalf and we'll be submitted tomorrow.  We believe miracles happen.

Speaking of miracles, Jeremy and I have been deeply touched by the contributions made to our account.  We never anticipated that kind of response, and only opened it up in case someone was inclined to help.  We did not anticipate a large outpouring of support.  More like a slow trickle.  lol  Not only have we had donations made through our FSP (the button on the side bar), but we've had several people send us checks.  Your kindness has touched our hearts.  Please know we are making a record to share with him one day, a list of all those who helped, through donations and prayer, to bring him home.  He will know that many, many of our friends petitioned God through prayer, and that others were able to help fund his journey to his family.  Even as I type this, I'm crying.  Thank you, our dear friends.  As I said in the beginning, it's not the money.  It's the love and support that is represented in that donation.  That's what is so meaningful to Jeremy and me.  If you'd still like to donate, please do so quickly.  I believe the FSP goes down in the next couple weeks. 

And keep praying!  The fact that we've done in three and a half months what takes 7-9 months for most families to complete shows that mountains are moved and things move quickly when His children desperatetly need to come home. This is, undoubtedly, God's will.  Jeremy and I are only on this path because there was no way we could deny that.  There was no way we could feel those promptings and not obey.  Seth needs to come home. 

Safe arrivals

The dossier has arrived in country. :)

I keep seeing that commercial in my mind... the one where the girls are outside the apartment complex, jumping rope and singing "We are one less, one less".

"One less, one less" orphan in the world.

Oh, my heart. It makes me cry. In a few short weeks, one more little boy will have a home and a family. Every night, we pray that he somehow knows. We pray he knows we're here, and that his time there is short. Imagine the peace that could bring to his little heart.

A few short weeks and he can wave goodbye and walk away from the orphanage. Forever. He will board a plane and come home. A part of a family. Finally. And forever.

Please continue to pray for him.  Pray that he will have courage, and peace, and that he will know he can trust us as we start this new chapter in his life.  I cannot imagine how scary this will be for him. 

On a side note, I dug out a little white button-up shirt this weekend.  Size 5.  And a pair of dress pants.  They are hanging in the closet.  Right in between his brothers church clothes.  Waiting.  Can't wait til there's a little boy to put into those clothes! 

On a jet plane....

I just checked shipping and our dossier is in Paris France. It should be in his country by Tuesday at the latest, where our facilitators will translate it all into the correct language and submit it to the government, whereupon we will be issued a travel date. Surreal to me that in less than a month, Jeremy and I will be in a foreign country, bringing home a little boy. His needs are so basic, and yet so incredibly profound. Things that Heavenly Father intended every child to have... a family, love, food, security. At some point, something went terribly wrong for this little boy, and the world his Heavenly Father intended and needed him to have fell apart. At that point, his mother walked away from him.

What compels a mother to abandon a little boy? To leave a helpless, dependent baby and walk away, assuming that child is better off in an orphanage, than in her care? Some of that is cultural. He's a child with special needs. In his country, children with special needs are abandoned at break neck speed. Doctors counsel mothers to leave them, that they will be a burden, too expensive, too much work. They encourage them to give them up to state run institutions, where they have very limited or no therapy, little education and inadequate care and nutrition. I wonder if she thinks about him, wonders about him, worries about him. I assume she does. What mother wouldn't? She knew his chances of being adopted were slim to none. He wasn't abandoned with the intention of being adopted. He was abandoned because doctors deemed him too much work, and because of cultural teachings, she gave in. He was destined to live out his life in a mental institution... but Heavenly Father intervened for this little boy.

How does abandonment affect a child? I'm not sure, but we will soon find out. We'll learn his story and how a sweet, kind, mild, loving child like him ended up in the mess he's in. How do you parent a child coming from a background like this? We don't know. We don't know how we'll heal him from that kind of loss and rejection. Nothing we've done as parents thus far has prepared us to parent a child coming from this kind of experience. But we know our Heavenly Father will sustain us and inspire us, giving us everything we need to help him. Our faith is strong. Heavenly Father wouldn't ask us to do it if He weren't going to strengthen us to be up to the task. But we know it won't be quite the same as the myriad of challenges we have had parenting our other six children. He will teach us though. Heavenly Father will teach us. And so will Seth. As we listen to him and love him, he will teach us what we need to do and he will heal. Of that, we are certain. He will learn to love and trust. He will learn what it means to have a family. He will learn he has a mother who always comes back.

If you are so inclined, you can still donate to our adoption fund. Just click the button at the right that says "Help Bring Phillip Home". I really, really stink at asking people for anything, much less money. Please know that if you choose to help, your money will be put to very careful and very good use. We are very wise stewards of our money. Your money will be used directly for this adoption, and yes, we do get 100% of it. We appreciate your support and prayers more than I can express. But please don't feel obligated or guilted into helping us. That would never, ever be our desire. We covet your prayers and emotional support way more than we covet your donation.

Please continue to pray for us. Pray for us to be sensitive and intuitive to him. Pray that he will trust us quickly, that he will know of our compassion for him. Pray for our other children. For my girls. One in particular, who is struggling mightly at the thought of having me gone for so long. My heart breaks daily for her as I watch her struggle. I hurt that she hurts. Please pray for her. Pray that I will be mom enough to parent three teenagers girls, a pre teen, and two young boys, as well as a young orphan with cerebral palsy who can't speak our language. What on earth are we thinking?? :) See? We need lots and lots of prayers. We can't possibly do this without prayers. But we know with your prayers, we will accomplish mighty things in this little boys life.

A call for help

Okay, this is kind of my one and only call for help. Mostly because I truly hate doing things like this. I'm not a fundraiser and I know everyone's money is tight these days. But, Jeremy and I are getting very close to traveling, and if you feel compelled to help, the opportunity will soon be drawing to a close.

Obviously, a family of six children and one income... we aren't rich. We are affording this because we are pulling money out of retirement to do this. Because we feel it's that important. Because we followed a prompting and had faith that if we obeyed, the Lord would provide. And because this is the way it always goes for us, we have just enough. Barely. If all the stars align. As long as expenses aren't higher than we expect and we have no unforseen emergencies. Which further confirmed to us that this is what we need to be doing.

We've had several people say to us that they wish they could do this, or that we are fortunate we have the money. Well, we don't. We're just like you. We don't have $25,000 laying around, waiting to be spent. This is coming with some very significant sacrifice.

This is a chance for you to help us bring him home. Any donation will add up and will help us. Any amount will be put to good use to help us give this little boy a home. Don't feel like a small contribution is too small. A contribution does not have to be large to be meaningful. Even $5 or $10 will help significantly. If you feel compelled to help us give this sweet little boy a home, to help us meet the expenses of bringing him home, please click on the link on the side that says "Help Bring Phillip Home" . You will be redirected to Reece's Rainbow, where you can make your contribution using pay pal. Your money will be held in an account, specifically for Phillip (Seth) and for us. Furthmore, your contribution is completely tax deductible. So, you help us, you help an orphan, AND you get a tax write off. Nice, huh?? :)

If you are absolutely not able to do this, there is another, very significant way you can help. Continue to keep us in your prayers. Pray that this will continue to be smooth, that this little boy will be ready for us, that he won't be afraid, that he will be able to trust us, that his travel home with us will go well, that his transition into our home will be seamless, and that Jeremy and I, as his parents, will have what it takes to help him overcome six years of abandonment, neglect, malnourishment, and substandard health care. Pray that my children here will be okay while we're away, that they won't miss us too much, and that the time will pass quickly for all of us. That, right there, is my biggest concern. My six kids here. :-(

Donate if you can, and if you'd like to. But either way, pray for us. We need every prayer you can offer up.

A riddle

Q:How do you reach 147 million orphans?

A: One at a time. :)

Orphan math.

Dossier should be ready to mail in one week. Which means one less orphan in the world.

Like my father

Those of you who know me well know that my father died almost two years ago. He had been declining for a long time, and yet somehow, despite the fact that everyone warned me, this took me by surprise. Watching my father die was the hardest thing I've ever done. I miss him so very much. I think of him every day. In my mind, I see him, sitting up at his breakfast bar. I hear his laugh. I see his smirk. I see him walking in from the garage. I watch him shuffling down the hall. I miss him more than I can express. I still cry at odd times, for virtually no reason, when small things remind me of him. My mom will attest to this. It's bizarre. It makes me cry that I won't see him again for many years. No daughter should lose their dad at 39 years of age. We still need them too much.

My father was an army man, with every image that conjures up in your brain. He loved our country and fought hard in the Vietnam war. That impacted his health for the rest of his life. In fact, he served in Vietnam twice, Germany twice, and Korea once. He spent A LOT of time away from our family, defending our freedoms that my children enjoy. He taught me to revere our flag, love our servicemen and appreciate the sacrifice of the American soldier. On my keychain, I carry a keychain medallion of his with the words "Fit to Fight, Second to None" that he received while in the Army. My dad was one tough army man, with a tender heart that I grew to appreciate the older I got. My father, the invincible. At least that's how I felt until he died. I didn't expect him to go down. How does a daughter prepare for that?

During this adoption process, I've wondered what my dad would think, what he would say to me. I've wondered if he'd be supportive, or think we were out of our minds. I've thought several times, I wish I could call him and talk to him, hear his laugh, listen to his council. But I can't. And so I imagine what he'd say to me.

Today, I was thinking about him and a song came on the radio. "If you're reading this", by Tim McGraw. It's a military song, and those always make me cry anyway. But this time, I listened closely when it got to the part:

"If you're reading this, half way around the world
I won't be around to see the birth of our little girl.
I hope she looks like you, I hope she fights like me,
And stands up for the innocent and the weak".

There it was. My answer. What would my dad expect from me? To fight like him. And to stand up for the innocent and the weak.

My friends, I'd like to introduce you to the innocent and the weak:

In fact, when it comes down to it, you really can't get much more innocent and weak. This is Seth a year after the other pictures were taken. Not nearly as flattering, huh? That's what another year in an institution will do to a child. In fact, it was this picture, and the change between the cute ones up above and this one, that compelled Jeremy to say "We need to go get him".

A child, abandoned by his mother, left in an orphanage, with cerebral palsy, with next to no chance of ever getting out. Children with special needs in his country are rarely adopted. Especially not if they have special needs and are over the age of 5. Next to none. Almost non existent.

I am certain my dad would want me to fight for him. When my dad taught me to love our country, our freedoms, our blessings, he was teaching me to fight for Seth. He was teaching me to stand up and have courage, to go get him when the time was right and he needed us most. He taught me the lessons, everything I needed to know, gave me all the strength I needed, to do what I'm doing today. He would be proud of me. Of that, I am certain.

And so, when it came to the part where Tim McGraw says:

"Just remember this, I'm in a better place,
Where soldiers live in peace, and angels sing "Amazing Grace"

I had to pull over to get myself back together. My dad, who served valiantly, and gave his health for his country, is now living in peace. He sacrificed for what I have, and who I am, so that one day, I would be brave enough to go save a little boy from a horrible injustice. A beautiful little boy, trapped in an orphanage, who desperately, desperately needs a family, the love, the freedom, the education and the medical care that this great country can offer him. Not because he's yet a citizen, but because his mother is.

And whether Seth ever walks on this earth, we know he will when his turn comes to return to his Heavenly Father. He will be resurrected with a perfect, healthy body and this trial he had will be but a blip in his life span. And he will be ours. For eternity. Because of His amazing grace.

This little boy, and the whole process of his adoption, the rights I have to do it, Seth's rights to claim them, are the very reason my dad fought. I fight like him. I defend the innocent and the weak. I am my fathers daughter.