The Boys of Magala

Seth's previous institution is made up of about 70 children/ men.  Most are boys and men.  About 5 are girls.  There were roughly 5-6 groups, with boys/ men being grouped according to abilities/ disabilities.  They range in age from 6-35 years old.  At 35 years old, they are transferred out to a lower care facility.  I'm not exactly sure what constitutes "lower care". 

These boys are real.  I know them.  I know their names.  I know their trials and their personalities.  They are as real as our children.  They laugh.  They cry.  They get hungry.  They get cold.  They are tough boys and men, making the best of what life dealt them.  They are survivors, in every sense of the word. 

Here are a few of the faces of Magala.

This is Ivan.  Ivan is a sweet, sweet boy.  I'm not sure of his age, but he's certainly over 18.  He is a hard worker.  He helps the caregivers with chores, hanging laundry, carrying food and trash in and out.  I never heard him complain.  In fact, every time I saw him, he had a smile on his face.  He'd give us a friendly wave and keep on working.  I'm not sure I ever saw him when he wasn't working.

Vasha is one of our favorite boys.  Vasha is 17 now.  He's a smart boy.  We spent a lot of time with him.  He'd come see us every day and would walk with us, play with us, talk with us.  Vasha is very friendly.  A polite boy.  I have no idea why he's in an institution.  He's warm and funny and very intelligent. 

See the boy in the blue sweater?  His name is Uria.  Uria was Cohen's (Josiah on RR) buddy.  Uria helps a lot with the younger children.  When Cohen showed up at the institution, it was Uria who took him under his wing.  He patiently took on the role of big brother and looked after Cohen.  He'd push him on the swing, or walk him around and around and around the building.  At the institution, there are several boys who seem to be primarily helpers for the children.  Uria was one of them. 

 

Speaking of boys who help care for children, meet another Ivan.  Ivan is in the blue stocking cap and gray jacket.  He has apert syndrome and is totally awesome.  He always has a young boy with him.  Wherever Ivan goes, the little boy goes too.  Turns out, that's his little brother.  He's looking out for him, in the toughest of conditions.  :(  Ivan is a fabulous artist.  Considering his fingers are fussed, it's a miracle he can do all that he does, but every day, he'd bring us a new work of art he'd completed.  Ivan has a good heart and is an amazing big brother. 

Oh Sasha... what to say about Sasha?  Sasha is completely childlike.  He is innocent and pure and breaks my heart.  Of all the boys there, he's the one I worry about the most.  Sasha is 35, and that means he's about to be transferred.  Transfer will not be kind to Sasha.  Sometimes the director can keep men there by letting them work on the grounds.  I am hoping that Sasha can stay.  Sasha brings out every urge I have to protect.  Maybe because he's helpless to protect himself. 

And of course, I have to add a pic of "Frank" (not his real name).  Frank is in the gray sweater.  Frank is smart and fast and sweet and needs a father so, so badly.  This boy needs to be playing with legos in someones living room and going fishing and getting an education.  I love Frank.  My heart hurts for Frank.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and wish we could have tucked him in our pocket and ran.  Ever feel like someone got left behind?  Yeah.  That's how I feel.  :( 

Frank is listed on Reeces Rainbow.  He needs a family.  There is no future for him where he's at.  He'd be an amazing son.  I have tons of pictures and a couple videos of him.  And lots and lots of information.  Please contact me if you are looking for a sweet 12 year old boy. 

http://reecesrainbow.org/?s=Frank

 

These are a few of the real boys living behind the gates of Seth's institution.  Real boys and men that I met and played with and got to know.  When you choose to help Helping Hands USA by providing Christmas for them, you are choosing to help one of these awesome boys.  You are bringing real joy to real people.

 

Christmas is eight days away.  We are only at 14% of our goal, to provide Christmas in Magala.  Could you donate to provide Christmas to Ivan?  Or Vasha? Or Uria? Or Ivan? Or Sasha?  Or Frank?

 

Real people, needing real help, needing to feel real love and charity.  It doesn't take much to make them happy.  Please consider a tax deductible donation through the chip in up above.

 

Thank you, from me and my friends.

Christmas in Magala

This year, our family is greatly anticipating and enjoying the Christmas season.  Last year, Seth had only been home 2 months and while he liked the festivities, he really didn't understand what was going on.  This year, he is noticing and understanding so much more.  It's fun to see his eyes light up when we go look at Christmas lights.  It was heart warming to watch his response to putting up the Christmas tree.  We have a lot of family traditions that center around Christmas and Seth is very much enjoying them.  We're doing a lot of talking about Christmas, the birth of Christ and the reason we do all the fun family things we do in December.  It's all brand new to him.  To see the wonder in his eyes in both amazing and heart breaking.

I wonder what Christmas' were like in Ukraine.  I wonder if he ever received a present.  I know he had nothing to his name when we left the orphanage with him.  Not a stuffed animal.  Not a toothbrush.  Not even a pair of underwear to call his own.  Six and a half years of life and he had not one material possession. 

I've done some thinking about other boys.  The boys at Magala.  The boys at Seth's institution.  Will they know it's Christmas?  Will Santa visit?  Will they hear Christmas carols about Christ's birth?  Will they dance?  Will they laugh?  Will they enjoy a feast fit for a King?  Probably not.  It's likely not in the budget.  Outfitting 70 boys with Christmas gifts and celebration would be expensive.  For Magala, Christ's birth would likely go uncelebrated.... unless someone helps them.  Unless someone brings Christmas, and Christ's love to them. 

Helping Hands USA would like to provide Christmas for Magala.  They'd like to share a celebration, leave a gift with each boy, provide a good holiday meal, and teach the boys that Christ is real, and they are cared for.  They need our help to do it.  Could you help provide? 

A donation of $15 would provide a party, a gift and meal for one boy.  There are 70 boys who live there.  Could you donate Christmas to just one boy?  There's a chip in on my blog.  If you can help, we would be so grateful.  Together, we've gotten wheelchairs to them, shipped clothing to them, provided fans and CD players to keep them entertained.  Together, we can do mighty things.  Together, we can bring them the spirit of Christmas.  It doesn't have to be a large amount and it is tax deductible.  Any amount is helpful.  I ask you from my heart to please consider their happiness, their needs, this season.  It takes so little to make these boys happy.  Please be a part of their Christmas miracle. 

 

From a primary song, entitled "How Will They Know"

 

"How will they know, the ones for whom we care,

That God is love and with us ev’rywhere,

That life is good, with blessings all can share?

How will they know unless we teach them so?"

 

This, my friends, is how they will know.  This is how we teach them.

The Twelve Days of Christmas For Moms with Kids with Special Needs:

Someone posted this on my facebook page last week and I love it.  All of this and more has happened to me during the thirteen months I've parented a child with a special need. 

The Twelve Days of Christmas for Special Needs: 
 

On the first day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a child with special needs.

On the second day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a heart full of love for my child with special needs...

.
 On the third day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: an ache in my heart and a heart full of love for my child with special needs.

On the fourth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a tear in my eyes, an ache in my heart and a heart full of love for my child with special needs.

On the fifth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with special needs.

On the sixth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with special needs.

On the seventh day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with special needs.

On the eighth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with special needs.

On the ninth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: remarkable doctors & therapists, supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in heart and my heart full of love for my child with a special needs.

On the tenth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: an appreciation of small accomplishments, remarkable doctors & therapists, supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with special needs.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a sense of pride and courage, an appreciation of small accomplishments, remarkable doctors & therapists, supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with special needs.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the good Lord said to me: Reach out and share your sense of pride and courage, your appreciation of small accomplishments, your remarkable doctors & therapists, your supportive friends, your sense of humor, your ray of hope, your unsuspected strength for the tear in your eyes and the ache in your heart and your heart full of love for your child with special needs.

 

 

 

Merry Christmas, to all my friends who parent amazing children with special needs.

Where It All Began... The Chernivsti Baby House

Seven and a half years ago, in a town in Ukraine, a little boy was born.  He was born 6 weeks early, weighing 4 pounds, 2 oz and just 17 1/2 inches long.  He was blessed with beautiful blue eyes and sandy blond hair... and cerebral palsy.  I don't know all the details, but in what had to be a heart wrenching decision, his mother decided to give her son up to institutional care, believing that the state run orphanages were better equipped to care for a child with special needs.

That little boy lived the first two months of his life in a cold hospital bed, surely wondering what had happened to his nice warm safe surroundings.  A stark contrast to how life should have been.  At two months of age, that little boy was taken to the Chernivsti Baby House, where he became it's newest little charge of over 100 children.  He was issued a crib, a stack of diapers and a string of caregivers in charge of feeding him, changing him and keeping him alive. While baby houses are never ideal, Seth's first six years were safe.  He was well fed and generally cared for.  I know he didn't make it out of his play pen very often, but his baby house is considered one of the better ones in Ukraine.  His director was a kind, no nonsense woman who knows each child by name and would never stand for abuse or massive neglect. And for that, I am thankful.  The neglect that Seth suffered was due to the nature of institutional care- numerous children with many needs, not enough caregivers, not enough funding, rotating care, not enough hours in the day to stimulate the brains of over 100 young children... and so children lay in cribs and learn to entertain themselves all day long with virtually nothing.  That is the heartbreaking reality of even the best baby houses in Eastern Europe.

This is a peak inside Seth's baby house, where he was cared for for 6 1/2 years.  This place has a special place in my heart, because they took care of my boy before I knew he was my boy.

The entrance to the Chernivsti Baby House (that's our awesome facilitator):

 

The playground (Seth was not allowed to go outside, but I am sure many children enjoyed it):

 

Ludmilla, the director who said she loved Seth and that he was smart and sweet:

 

 

The therapy room, one of the few places Seth was able to go:

 

 

Hot tub donated to the baby house by my friend Stefanie for water therapy.  Ludmilla said Seth loved water therapy.  And he still does.  :)  Can't you just see him in there?

 

 

A caregiver working with one of the children:

 

 

Massage therapy.  I'm not sure how often they receive it or how effective it is, but I appreciate that they are doing the best they can:

 

 

Speech therapy, which they do as often as time permits.  With 100 children, it surely isn't enough.

If you look over in the sidebar to the pic of Seth in his overalls, you'll notice the same curtains and same white door.  Different table, but this was two years later.  I don't know if this is the room that pic was taken in, but that's a little surreal to me. 

 

Before we left Ukraine with Seth, I knew I wanted to go meet Ludmilla.  I knew I wanted to tour the baby house. I knew I needed to see for myself where Seth had spent so many years.  To understand him, I needed to see where he had lived.  I found Ludmilla to be gracious and efficient.  When she asked me what I'd like to know and I stumbled to say "Nothing really.  I just wanted to thank you for taking care of Seth and I wanted you to know he has a family who loves him now", she looked at me as tears welled up in my overtired, stressed, worried eyes and kindly gave me tidbits about my boy, insight into the little boy he was before he was transferred.  Little did she know that the boy she was describing was nothing like the little boy who was waiting for me just outside the baby house doors, in a parked car, with his new daddy beside him.  Little did she know how badly transfer had effected him and how changed he was because of the whole experience.  Little did she know that her words would become my life line for several months while we tried to reclaim and bring back the little boy she had loved for six years. 

Now I have an opportunity to give back to Ludmilla and the Chernivsti Baby House.  And I am beyond thrilled to have this chance.  Ludmilla has agreed to allow Life 2 Orphans an opportunity to help give Christmas to the more than 100 young children in her care.  It's called "Operation Christmas Cheer", and for $100, the children in the Chernivsti Baby House will be given a Christmas.  Each child will receive a small present, food and a Christmas party.  That works out to roughly $1 per child.  And they will be thrilled! What a treat for the children living inside.  What a joy Christmas morning will be!

Could you help be a part of this?  It won't take much.  Ten people donating $10 each will get us to our goal.  Or five people each giving $20.  Life 2 Orphans is a non profit entity, so this is a tax deductible donation.  This is their website:

http://www.life2orphans.org/cms/node/83

Click on the link.  Right under the pic is a link that says "Donate on-line".  Click on that and it will direct you to their paypal account.  There are some very important parts to this.  Grab a pen and paper and pay attention to this part. 

1. After you enter your payment, you will get a page that says "Please review your payment".  On that page, there is a blue link that says "For special instructions to the seller".  Click that and a box will open.  Specify in there that it is for "Operation Christmas Cheer" and that you want it to go to the Chernivsti Baby House, and

2. Let me know.  This is important.  Leave me a comment (or a fb private message) telling me how much you were able to donate.  I have committed to raising at least $100 for the baby house.  Your comments are the only way I have of tracking donations and knowing where we are on our goal.  I moderate all comments, so if you'd rather it be anonymous, tell me and I won't make your comment public. 

I know Christmas is a tight month.  We're all providing for our children.  We're all busy.  We're all broke.  :)  But this, to me, is what Christmas is all about.  As a family, we can surely part with $10-$15 to make Christmas happen for children who have nothing.  I can pull that money from somewhere.  To help her. To help them.  I can do that.  Can you help? 

 

***  Update!!  Thank you so much to everyone who helped us reach our goal of $100.  We did it, and I knew we would.  It makes me so happy to know those sweet children will feel loved on Christmas morning.  If you'd still like to contribute, you are welcome to.  There is nothing that says we can only donate $100.  Only that we commit to raise at least that much. 

A beautiful sight!

I'm always amazed when I see who all has donated to Seth's former institution.  When I see the list, I see that so many donations are from people I don't even know.  People who do not actually know Seth.  I'm amazed that Seth's story has touched so many and I'm reminded continually that one person can make a big difference.  In fact, we make a difference one person at a time, one good act at a time.  Today, I received pics of the wheelchairs arriving in Magala.  In truth, they've been there for a few weeks, but I was waiting for pics before I said anything, because I know you like pics.  :)  So here is what you did...

You took this:

And helped turn it into this (doesn't he look better already???)...

 

and this....

 

 

and this....

 

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  To see them in decent, more modern wheelchairs, in good repair, is so heart warming.  Because I know the way they've been living.  I know how bad their wheelchairs were.  I know how broken they were, how old they were, how ripped up they were.  I knew what the institution was having to do to keep them in use .  They really have so little.  They expect so little.  I believe they should at least have a comfortable, safe place to sit.  This is well outside the meager budgets of an institution.  This was your doing, and I thank you for helping Helping Hands USA get them what they needed. 

 

Don't ever underestimate the impact of one small act of charity. 

 

Together, lots of small acts add up to big things.

 

If you have not already done so, please consider liking Helping Hands USA on facebook:

 

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Helping-Hands-Usa/239641486137013?fref=ts

 

Visit their website.  Follow what they're doing in Ukraine.  Support them. They are doing amazing things among those who are the most vulnerable, most needful. 

 

http://givethemjoy.org/

Some experiences change your perceptions forever

This past weekend, Seth had the opportunity to participate in a fishing activity called "Cast for Kids", an event for kids with special needs. It was Seth's first time out in a boat and first fishing experience.

So contemplative.  I often wonder what he's thinking. 

 

 

Wanting to take over for the captain.  :)

 

 

I think he likes fishing...

 

It was a great event focusing on what kids with special needs can do, with just a little thought and adaptation.  Afterwards, there was a bar b que.  I walked around the park and lunch, watching all the kids, all with various special needs, all being loved and supported not only by their families, but those in our community who value all kids.

 

And as I watched, as often does, my mind drifted to Ukraine.  Because some experiences change you forever.  As I watched the kids, many with CP, Down Syndrome and autism, I wondered how many of them, if born in another country, would find themselves in an orphanage or institution?  How many of them would have been seen as a burden, as too difficult?  How many of these moms would have been talked into abandoning their children to state care?  It's really all about location, location, location, isn't it?

 

Now, an argument can be made that in America, many children with down syndrome are aborted.  And that is true.  At least in Eastern Europe, they get life.  But how much better when they get life, a family, community support, an education, therapy and health care.  That's the best scenario.  And it is highly unlikely in Eastern Europe.  Looking at these kids and remembering those in Ukraine was a very stark contrast.  Seeing my boy, compared to those boys with CP, born in America who had therapy and love from birth, was eye opening.  I couldn't help but wonder how my friends in the institution would be doing, had they been born under different circumstances.

 

The two boys weighing heaviest on my mind are, of course, "Frank" and "Francis".  Last week, I asked you to vote to get "Francis" on Reeces Rainbow's Angel Tree, so that awareness for him can be raised, so we can increase his grant and help him find a family.  Thank you to all who voted.  Francis made it onto the Angel Tree.

 

The next category is Boys 10+ and I was thrilled to see my friend "Frank" as one of the boys who has the chance to be on the Angel Tree.  Frank's chances of being adopted aren't good.  He's a boy, he's older, and he lives in an institution.  That's a lot of strikes against him.  Raising his grant is the best way we can help him.  Overcoming the barrier of finances is sometimes all it takes to motivate someone to take that leap of faith for an older child.

 

I can tell you a little about "Frank".  Jeremy and I fell in love with him.  He's little, he's spunky, he's smart.  He's a sweet boy who seems rather unaffected by his surroundings.  He runs around a lot, likes to play ball, play on the trampoline, and do puzzles.  He interacts well with the caregivers and other boys.  Everyone seems to like Frank.  We never saw anything that concerned us about him, and quite honestly, we're stumped as to why he's there and not at a boarding house.  Sometimes very random decisions are made.  Who knows how he got there?  I just know he needs out.  He has no future where he's at, and without help, he's never getting out.  Institutions are a one way ticket to nowhere.  And this little boy deserves a future. This little boy will be a blessing to any family.

 

 

 

This little boy just needs a chance.  I have so many more pictures, stories and even videos of Frank.  If you want more information, please ask.  I will contact you and answer any questions I can.

 

Here is the link to Reeces Rainbow's Angel Tree for Boys 10+.  Please take just a moment to scroll down, find Frank (listed first) and click "vote" above his pic.  That's all you have to do to help Frank find a family.  That's how you can help an orphan, today, right now.  Just a click.

 

http://reecesrainbow.org/my-own-little-starfish

 

 

The good, the bad and the downright ugly

Seth's been in school now for three and a half weeks.  For now, he's mainstreamed into a kindergarten class, without an IEP, but with a 504 (physical accommodations) and a full time aide.  The school is scrambling to get the data they need to get an IEP in place for him and we're all doing the best we can until then.  Each state is different in how they handle IEP's, and in particular, internationally adopted kids.  Our state seems to be one of the more conservative ones, and while we are all reasonably sure he will qualify for an IEP, our district is making sure laws are followed and that Seth's rights are protected.  Which is something I'll appreciate more after the IEP is in place.  For now, it's a little uncomfortable to watch. 

It's been a tough transition.  We are fairly certain he never had a book read to him til we showed up a year ago.  He had never held a crayon.  I'm not even sure he had regular access to toys.  So it is honestly a miracle that he is doing as well as he is.  I will promise you that you can love and protect an adopted child with the same fierceness that you can love and protect your biological children.  You can fight for them, scream for them, cry for them and defend them with the same zeal you can your biological children.  To me, there is no difference.  He is my child.  I am his advocate and mother.  I am honing my skills. 

In the past three and a half weeks, he's learned that school is safe and fun.  He's learned that we come back to get him.  He's learned that he gets a tasty snack each day and time on the playground.  He's learned the IA, the PT and OT are all nice people who are trying to help him.  He's learned that the school is full of people who genuinely care about him.  He's learned to be secure in another situation, even when his family is not there.  That's a big step outside his comfort zone and it takes a lot of trust on his part. 

Overall, Seth has made remarkable progress.  In a casual assessment today, I realized he's developed cognitively by two years in the past 11 months.  He's catching up, and he's catching up fast.  He's showing us that he's an eager learner and that he has a curious and inquisitive mind.   His speech is picking up a bit. He's making more and more approximations all the time, and most days, he speaks at least some, even if we can't always understand him.  Seth is in line to get all the support he needs to get an excellent education and we feel blessed with all the resources that are at our fingertips.  I feel blessed with a team of therapists, both in and out of school, who understand Seth, who call him out when necessary, and who are unwilling to easily let him off the hook. 

Seth is also making amazing progress physically.  He's started bearing more weight, standing with less support, using the counter tops for balance only.  He's side stepping now, and learning to get off the toilet and out of his chair at the table on his own.  He's learned to get himself into the tub and using his walker more and more. 

So what's the downright ugly?  The downright ugly was his starting point.  How ridiculously delayed he was when we brought him home, and how that didn't have to be the case.  The downright ugly is that this bright, happy, energetic, sweet little boy spent 6 years wasting away in a playpen when he could have been learning and growing.  The downright ugly is that there are so many kids just like him in Ukraine right now.  Just waiting for a family to open up a world for them and give them access to love, books, a home, therapy, education, and health care.  Kids just like Seth.  But still in a crib.  That's the downright ugly. 

How do you help?  Well, adoption, of course, if you can.  But if not, you can donate to a family in process of adopting. 

http://reecesrainbow.org/category/sponsorafamily/almostthere

Or you can contribute to Helping Hands USA and assist in the distribution of humanitarian aid to orphans, to make their life a little brighter and more bearable. 

http://givethemjoy.org/

Or you can vote for Francis on the Angel Tree.  A simple vote.  A simple click.  It helps him.  It could help him find his family.  So that he can have the same blessings and opportunities that Seth has.  Will you click?

http://reecesrainbow.org/my-own-little-starfish

 

However you choose to help, just do it.  Click.  Donate. Give. Advocate. Adopt.