The Dreaded T Word- A Look Back, A Look Forward

Transfer. 

Here's an orphan equation for you: 

Abandonment + Transfer= Trauma. 

Plain and simple. 

Jeremy and I were talking last night about transfers.  Yes, I know.  Funny topic to be talking to a spouse about.  What can I say?  It occurred to us that because Seth was so young when his mother gave him up, his baby house was the only "home" he knew and his caregivers were "mom".  Not ideal, but that's all he's had. That's all he knew. 

If you have a six year old, or if you know of a six year old, picture how they would feel if they were suddenly uprooted from the only home they ever knew, without explanation, whisked away to a new home where everyone spoke a different language (this part is true, by the way), and where there were no familiar faces.  Where were their friends?  Their familiar family members?  Familiar smells and foods and routine and toys?  It doesn't matter if their first home is not totally ideal.  It's their home.  Their normal.  Traumatic?  I think so. 

We talked about his "abandonment" and the trauma that likely happened when he was transferred in June, three months before we got there, from his baby house to the institution.  Today, I looked through pictures to try to find clues as to how that transfer might have affected him.  How it might still be affecting him.  How it might be affecting his delays and his stimming.  This is what I found:

This pic was taken the day of his transfer.  Look how happy he is.  He had no idea what was coming....  :(

Look how connected he looks.  He's looking at the camera and smiling.  On purpose. 
Something we still have not been able to get him to do. 

And the day we got to the institution, three months later:

Four pics.  Looking anywhere but at us. 
Unable, unwilling to make eye contact.  Unwilling to track motion.  Unwilling to care.

It took us two days just to get him to look us in the eye. 

And yes, he was stimming in the second picture. 

But now....  now, look at him!! 

Home.  Loved. Safe.  Never to be transferred again. 

Just two and a half weeks.  Still in transition, but Wow! The improvement. The engagement. 

Do you see it?  That, my friends, is life!  He feels it!

They say that it will take the same amount of time for him to recover from transfer as he spent in transfer.  Meaning it could take him up to three months to recover from his transfer.  We're a few weeks in.  What might the next two months bring?

Sweet, sweet boy!