Just in case any of you don't know me very well, waiting is not something I do well. I'm not a patient person. Not when it comes to sitting back and letting things happen. I like a plan. I am fairly certain of what I want, and I want it yesterday. Patience is a virtue. It's not one I possess. So the news that I may have to wait to go get a child who desperately needs me, who is waiting for me, is not news I want to hear. And try as I might to figure out what's going on, as hard as I try to anticipate how long this will take, I'm not able to find out anything. Completely out of my comfort zone. It makes me a little bit nauseous.
Today, I sent some paperwork off to his country, not sure if it will even matter when it gets there. There is a high likelihood I'll have to resend it anyway.... at $92 a mailing. It's hard to get excited as I mark things off of our to-do list when all we're really doing is hurrying up to wait. To wait for something we have no control of. Kind of takes the wind out of my sail. My hope is that the closure won't take long, that we'll be traveling before we know it, and that he will be well cared for and in good hands til we get there.
I've been reminded he knows no difference. He doesn't know what a family feels like. All he knows is the orphanage. He really has no concept of a mama and a papa. While it may be true to an extent, I don't completely believe it. I believe these children know exactly what they're missing. I believe they wake up every morning and wonder if this is the day their mama and papa are coming. It's at the core of their being.
Being a part of a family is one of our most fundamental needs. It's the way God designed the world. Part of His plan. He and 100,000 other children in his country don't have it. I read a blog today about adoptive parents who went to their daughters orphanage. The daughter didn't know it was her day yet. The orphanage workers brought the little girl in. At first, the girl was confused. Then, the caregivers whispered in her ear. She looked up at her new parents. She smiled, and then she ran to them and threw herself into their arms. Do you really think they aren't waiting for this day?
I've been warned that when we walk in, all the children will reach out to us and call us mama and papa. They will run to us and lift up their arms. They've all been waiting for their turn. Phillip has done this for six years. He has wondered where his mama and papa are, wondered why it wasn't his turn. This time, it's his turn. We are coming for him. We are his mama and papa. I know he's in Heavenly Father's care til we get there. And I know Heavenly Father loves him even more than we do. We trust His timing and we know it will all work out. We'll get there. We'll get him. Just not as quickly as I'd like to, because when a child is hurting and needs me, I'd like to have been there yesterday. It's not about faith. I have plenty of that. It's about patience, which I sorely lack.
They are most certainly waiting. Phillip knows there is a hole that needs to be filled in his life. When you already know them, love them, and are preparing a room for them, waiting....and then unplanned waiting is so difficult. I hope and pray it goes faster than expected.
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