I'm starting to get very anxious about the five weeks we'll be in country. Anxious in a good way, but also anxious in a not so good way. I don't know how I will handle being away from my other children that long. You can't go five weeks without seeing your kids and not miss important things- soccer games, first day of school, birthdays, open houses, holidays. Moments that will never be given back. I can't imagine what will be going through my little boys heads. Especially Adam. He misses me when he goes to the church nursery for two hours. What's five weeks going to seem like to him? Amanda will be a senior next year. How can I miss five weeks of her senior year?
I know Phillip needs us. And I know there's no other way to get him out of there. It's a short term, temporary sacrifice, for a very good cause- a child. In the grand scheme of things, five weeks is nothing. A little blip on a timeline. Just ask Phillip. He knows. He's spent over 300 weeks away from a family. I'm a whiner. He's way more courageous than I will ever be. To him, five weeks is a blink of an eye. Logically, I know that. But to my heart, five weeks feels like eternity. :-(
As moms, we become adept at what Jeremy likes to call "selective neglect". The art of sifting through the immediate and constant needs of various children and deciding what, or who, needs you first. Prioritizing who needs you the most. Jeremy and I know who needs us the most right now. Don't get me wrong. All children need their parents. Our children will certainly miss us. But they don't "need" us in the urgent, mind boggling way Phillip needs us right now. His is survival based. And so, we'll go.
I'm sure my children will be fine. They have each other. It's me I'm worried about. My heart already hurts. I already feel the "missing them" feeling.
I think that was THE hardest part of the process for me! I was a puddle when I said goodbye to my kids. Thank goodness for Skype! When I got to EE, I had my mission to accomplish and tried to stay focused on that. I reminded myself that many families who love their children as much as me have done this, and the short time away from my children is nothing compared to the years Darya was without me. But before you know it, your whole family will be together for the holidays, Phillip included!
ReplyDeleteYes! This is the HARDEST part, and I was only gone for 2 weeks :) My children did amazingly better than I imagined they would. I was the only real mess! Like Marianne said, think of the next holiday, the next family picture, the next family vacation where you will ALL be together. Brutal to be gone so long, but soooo worth it in the long run. Be prepared to be homesick though :) but you also kind of get into a groove in country, especially when you know your children are being loved by grandparents/family at home.
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